


Lost in You

by josiie



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Hyungwon is not okay, I love my kids why do I make them suffer, I've been wanting to write this for god knows how long, It's not supposed to be romantic, M/M, Minhyuk is obsessed, Sad Ending, all in Au, bathtub scene, this is a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-23
Updated: 2016-06-23
Packaged: 2018-07-16 19:42:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7282105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/josiie/pseuds/josiie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"And Minhyuk knows it’s not love, but he can’t resist Hyungwon. Not when he’s on his bed, night after night, and he kisses him like Minhyuk means the world to him."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost in You

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, friends! So, I wrote something else. This is inspired by the MV (I know I'm late) and it ended up being way more depressing than I actually wanted.  
> Special thanks to my @Yuo_L for reading it and telling me what she thinks.
> 
> I hope you all like it ♥ (especially monstvx @ twitter - she says you can all talk to her about Monsta X, follow her).
> 
> Translation in Vietnamese by the lovely Fu: https://bapsworldblog.wordpress.com/2016/07/03/transfic-lost-in-you/

Minhyuk knew it was wrong. Minhyuk knew it was dangerous (especially for the younger). But Minhyuk was human and selfish and he hadn’t been able to stop Hyungwon from getting too close with him.

It wasn’t love. Love doesn’t exist in time of war and they were in the middle of one. Minhyuk didn’t want to fall in love - that would make him weak.

But Hyungwon was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen and he could feel himself developing feelings. Hyungwon was beautiful when he was in his bed, with messy hair and blushing, looking young - way too young to be involved in this war; with someone like Minhyuk who had been ruined by the conflict. Hyungwon was beautiful when the sun touched his skin and his hand was holding Minhyuk’s hand and his smile was way too bright for the reality they lived in. Hyungwon was beautiful when he cried, as Hyunwoo tried to take care of his wounds, and as he ate the blue petals that would make him feel better.

(“Not too many, Hyungwonnie,” Hyunwoo’s voice was soft but no one dared to disobey. The blue flowers were poison disguised as a blessing - in small quantities, it was enough to help them; too much, and it would kill them.)

Everyone had noticed. Everyone could see the faint marks of hands in Hyungwon’s neck, when Minhyuk was more frustrated; the way their touches seemed to last longer, even when it wasn’t needed; the way Hyungwon looked lost when Minhyuk wasn’t around; the way Minhyuk seemed to be almost obsessed with Hyungwon.

But no one dared to say anything. Hyunwoo - it’s always Hyunwoo, the eldest, the one they all respect - had warned them to be careful ( _ don’t do anything stupid _ , that’s what Minhyuk hears, and he wants to laugh because he already did something stupid by allowing Hyungwon to get so close) but he couldn’t worry too much. He already had too much to worry about.

And Minhyuk knows it’s not love, but he can’t resist Hyungwon. Not when he’s on his bed, night after night, and he kisses him like Minhyuk means the world to him.

 

* * *

 

 

Minhyuk had met Hyungwon shortly after the war had started. The younger had run away from home, after his parents had been taken away by the soldiers. He had managed to escape by pure luck and he quickly adapted to the life of the Clan, the small resistance group Minhyuk was a part of.

Hoseok had been the one bringing him with him. It wasn’t unusual for them to take care of injured or tired rebels, but no one had stuck around for so long. Eventually, Hyungwon had become a part of their family and no one had questioned it.

Minhyuk was fascinated by the younger, the second he had seen him. He could almost see how Hyunwoo’s eyes followed him - a warning,  _ don’t get too close _ .

But Minhyuk had ignored everything. The younger was too nice for his own good and Minhyuk knew he would ruin him. He just couldn’t stop. Hyungwon was everything he was not and he just felt himself gravitating towards the younger boy.

 

* * *

 

 

They kiss for the first time just a few months after Hyungwon joins the Clan.

It was a cold night - winter was approaching and soon it would be even harder for them to get access to food and water. Hyungwon would have to start helping them as soon as possible,  and he made sure to join the older men whenever they went out, in order to get to know the region.

Minhyuk was the one he was accompanying that night. Hyungwon liked him a lot but he knew very little about the blond-haired man. Minhyuk always seemed to be around, wherever he was, but they hadn’t spoken much - and, somehow, Minhyuk was just fascinating enough to make him feel something.

“Do you think it’ll snow tonight?” Hyungwon asked. His hands were getting colder and he could see his fingers turn a faint shade of purple. His lips were probably the same colour - winter was his least favorite season.

“Tonight? I don’t think it will.” Minhyuk replied . “Are you cold, Hyungwon?”

“Just a bit, hyung.” The younger admited, almost shy. “You don’t have to worry.”

“We can come back. Things seem calm around here. The soldiers are far enough for us not to worry for at least a week. The bad weather will slow them down.” Minhyuk said, looking at the other boy, and smiling softly. “They must be worried about us. We are pretty far from the ruins.”

“I guess I wouldn’t mind warming myself up.”

The walk home was longer. They were silent, but Hyungwon could only smile, thinking about Minhyuk’s smile - it had been the first time he had seen the older look so… human. And it affected more than he could ever admit.

I wasn’t until later that night, when everyone else was already asleep, that Hyungwon talked to the older again. Minhyuk rarely slept, he had found out. He was always too worried something could happen, so he’d walk around the ruins, until dawn.

Hyungwon had never accompanied him, but he couldn’t sleep. He wasn’t sure why - it was probably the need for some affection (something he hadn’t really experienced in the months prior) - but the only thing he could think about was how beautiful Minhyuk’s lips looked that night.

He got closer to the older, who merely smiled at him, and invited him to sit down with him, putting his jacket around Hyungwon’s shoulders. It was warmer than the one he had on and Hyungwon found himself unable to complain about it.

“Hyung?”

“Yes, Hyungwon?”

“Please don’t be mad at me.” Hyungwon said, and before the older could question him, he closed his eyes and kissed Minhyuk’s lips, letting himself get lost in the sensation. Minhyuk kissed him like no one had ever kissed him before. And Hyungwon could feel himself drown.

 

* * *

 

 

Hyungwon knew Minhyuk wasn’t good for him. He had known the first time he had kissed the older.

But Hyungwon also loved the way Minhyuk kissed him and the way Minhyuk’s hands felt against his neck (“Aren’t you beautiful like this, Hyungwonnie? You’re mine”). He loved the way Minhyuk held him closer when they were together and the way he’d destroy anyone that would dare to touch him.

It wasn’t love - Hyungwon didn’t have any illusions. Minhyuk had ruined him.

(And Hyungwon loved him way too much for his own good.)

 

* * *

 

 

“We can’t escape the soldiers. The rest of us probably think we’re dead, they won’t come back.” Minhyuk whispered, trying to whip Hyungwon’s tears. The younger looked so much like the boy he had met two years before; the lost, scared boy that had fascinated him. And Minhyuk couldn’t protect him, this time. Minhyuk was going to let his precious boy die.

“I don’t want them to kill us, Minhyuk.”

“I know, Hyungwonnie. I’m so sorry.”

“I want you to kill me.”

Hyungwon’s request is not exactly surprising. They had talked about it before - the possibility of being in a situation like this. And Hyungwon didn’t want a nameless soldier taking his life away from him.

“I have… I still have some of that weird potion we made with the flowers.” Minhyuk said, trying to sound calm. He wanted Hyungwon to feel better - even if he was about to die. “We can… we can use that bathtub we saw?”

“Minhyuk…” The younger started, and Minhyuk could feel his own tears, running down his face. Why had they been so careless?

“Don’t even dare to say that. I don’t deserve your love.”

“I do love you. I’d still love you if we, somehow, got out of this alive.”

“In any other circumstances, I think it would have been different,” Minhyuk started, hearing the steps of the soldiers outside. They were getting closer; they had to be quick. “But this is not love. I hurt you. You are way too good for me, Hyungwonnie. You’ve always been. I don’t want you to believe this is what love is.”

“You really can’t even lie to make me feel better, can you?” Hyungwon almost laughed.

“I’m so sorry, Hyungwon. I wish I could be a better person for you.”

The younger didn’t reply. He stood up, slowly, followed by the older, and they both walked into the other room of the house, silently.

Hyungwon kissed him one last time, before entering the bathtub, still full of water (and Minhyuk could only think of someone being taken away, being killed, when they thought they were safe), and closing his eyes.

Minhyuk took the small bottle from his pocket and whispered another apology. He wasn’t sure Hyungwon could hear him - but he was trying to forgive himself for letting things get to that point.

He looked at the younger’s face, as the water turned a dark blue. He watched as Hyungwon gasped for air one last time, just to stop breathing the next second. And he let himself go inside the bathtub, to hug Hyungwon one last time.

“We have two dead here.” The voice was cold and distant and the only thing Minhyuk had strength to do was to hold Hyungwon’s hand. “Just get rid of them.”

Minhyuk exaled.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are always appreciated ~ Thank you so much for reading  
> You can also find me on twitter @josiiiee & tumblr @joonmyunx.  
> I accept requests. You can request it on tumblr or here: curiouscat.me/josiiiee


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